Let Go!

 Change, Identity, Words of wisdom  No Responses »
Mar 042012
 

Life is full of changes. We can’t stop it. At this very moment the world is changing, people are changing. And you are changing too. As always we have a choice: we can either accept it or deny it.

This is particularly striking with relationships. Two people have an affinity based on who they are at a given point in time. A few years later they have changed: what once existed between them is no longer here. They are simply two different people now but they keep hanging on to “the relationship”, in denial of the change that has occurred. They cling to the memory of good times long gone. The relationship has become part of their identity, like an old pair of glasses that doesn’t fit anymore. Now it hurts.

Let go!

Let go of your mental image of the other person: see them as they are now. Let go of your expectations on the relationship: see it as it is now. Let go of your past self: be who you are now. If there is still an affinity, this is the perfect opportunity for a new beginning. If it’s time to move on, do it without anger, blame or judgment. We each need to walk our own path. Sometimes they stick together and sometimes they part. It is no one’s fault: it just is.

Let go!

Because only when we’ve let go of asphyxiated relationships do we have enough space in our soul for new and vibrant relationships. Like a rose bush, trimming allows us to bloom again.

 

Cedric, 03/04/2012

I dedicate this piece to N. for her courage (she will recognize herself).

Earth of Men

 Fear, Identity, Words of wisdom  No Responses »
Feb 222012
 

Saint Exupéry is famous all over the world for his masterpiece “The Little Prince” but he is also the author of the very beautiful book “Earth of Men” (translated into English as “Wind, Sand and Stars”), a work combining stories of his aviator life and philosophical thoughts.

Here are some of my favorites:

By working for material possessions only, we build our own prison. We shut ourselves solitary, with our currency of ashes that doesn’t procure anything worth living for.

It seems that perfection is attained not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to remove.

To be a man is to be responsible. […] It is to be aware, when setting your stone, that you are building the world.

Once caught in the event, men are no longer afraid of it. Only the unknown scares men. But, for whoever confronts it, it is no longer the unknown.

When we become aware of our role, no matter how minor, only then will we be happy. Only then will we be able to live in peace and die in peace, because what gives a meaning to life gives a meaning to death.

It is not danger I love. I know what I love: it is life.

 

Antoine de Saint Exupéry, “Terre des Hommes” (1939)

The Best Coffee

 Embarrassing, Identity, Latin America, Travel, Words of wisdom  No Responses »
Feb 192012
 

“Where do you find the best coffee in Central America?” The loud and obnoxious tourist from New York interrogates me over dinner. I hate the question. A journey is a collection of experiences, some more pleasant than others but never better: they are what they are. I learned more about myself overcoming challenges than sipping cocktails in front of a picture-perfect sunset. But the girl is not interested in that. She just wants to know where to find “the best coffee”. I doubt she really values my opinion, so why should I give it to her? But her high-pitched and inquisitive voice has silenced the entire dinner party: all eyes are now turned towards me. I need to say something quickly. A laconic answer comes out of my mouth, bypassing my mind: “El Salvador”. Pretending to care, she replies: “Oh, really?” Then she continues to talk about herself. Blah blah blah. The words start to blur. I tune out.

In actual fact my favorite cup of Joe is not from El Salvador: I love the taste of Nescafé instant coffee. Almost every morning I prepare myself a small cup. With the right amount of powder and sugar, the dark mixture tastes better to me than any freshly ground Arabica or Robusta. Maybe this goes back to my late teenage years when I would savor a large bowl to help me wake up each day before going to school. Anyway, Miss Egocentric cannot understand. She lives in a world where the best things in life are objectively known and scientifically labeled. The best books are listed in the New York Times, the best hotels in the Lonely Planet and the best movies are the ones who received praise from the critics.

Screw this!

In my world Nescafé instant is the best coffee. In my world the best books are the ones that touch my heart, not the ones that use fancy words and collect literary prizes. In my world the best hotels are the ones that no guidebook tells you about: you just find them – or maybe they find you.

We are each masters of our own world, free to decide what we like and what we don’t, what matters and what doesn’t. As long as we remain true to ourselves no one can take that away from us. It is our secret, our treasure.

 

Cedric, 02/19/2012

I Am

 Identity, Words of wisdom  No Responses »
Feb 052012
 

Descartes got it all wrong when he said: “I think therefore I am.” We can only “be” in the present moment, and thoughts precisely take us away from it. They transport us to the past or the future, to different places. Even when we try to think about the present we lose our connection with it. The only way to be in the present is to feel, not to think.

An alternate philosophy to the Cartesian one might be: “I feel therefore I am.” However the moment we focus on the philosophy of being we stop being present. So let’s throw away all these mind games and just be, without the need for justification or explanation.

I Am. Nothing else matters.

 

Cedric, 2/05/2012

Text inspired by the teachings of Mr. Eckhart Tolle.

Dropping the Mask

 Change, Identity, Words of wisdom  1 Response »
Oct 312011
 

At a very young age we all discover the pleasure of wearing a costume, of slipping into the identity of our favorite superhero or fairy tale creature. But what if we wore a mask every day? What if the mask ended-up merging with our own flesh and we forgot what hides underneath? I believe this is exactly what happens to most of us, a reality far scarier than a Halloween movie.

We wear masks because the world around us demands consistency. Whatever face we’ve shown until yesterday is the face we are expected to show today, tomorrow, and the day after… Even though we may feel completely different today than any other day before. Even though the world around us changes at an amazing pace. Even though human cells keep regenerating at such speed that our body is partly renewed each day. Society clings to the myth of consistency for it yields predictability, the keystone of structures such as government, religion, or the corporate world. So common sense tells us that consistency is a law of nature. But if we look close enough Mother Nature provides ample evidence of the opposite: what are the odds of finding two identical tree leaves, or two identical snowflakes? Even twins who share the same genes are not identical: their individual life experiences shapes them physically and emotionally in different ways.

If like me you are tired of the mask… just remove it and be yourself! Your new lack of consistency will cause significant changes in your life: many people are not ready to accept a new you, different from what they’ve come to expect. However, in my experience, getting such people out of your life is a true blessing and an opportunity to make room for new relationships. Only true friends will remain at your side after you drop the mask, while everyone else will call you crazy.

What if you are not ready to remove the mask just yet? Start by being aware of its existence. Notice when it says or does things that you wouldn’t. Imagine how you would behave differently if you listened to your heart. This will start un-merging the mask and letting your own skin breathe again. You will soon be able to take that fake face off, at least once in a while. As Paolo Coelho once said: “Stay mad, but behave like normal people. Run the risk of being different, but learn to do so without attracting attention.”

Happy Halloween!

 

Cedric, 10/31/2011

Inflexion Point

 Change, Identity, Latin America, Travel, Words of wisdom  3 Responses »
Sep 182011
 

What does it take to change a life? A split-second. A simple realization can radically alter the course of an existence. I know this because it happened to me.

Last year I had everything going for me: owner of a beautiful house in the heart of San Francisco; successful professional with an exciting career in renewable energy and a high income; late-blooming athlete who worked-out 4 times a week and completed his first Olympic-distance triathlon and half-marathon; lucky husband of a loving and youthful wife whose beauty is only surpassed by her cooking, writing, acting and singing talents; faithful friend surrounded by cool city dwellers with diverse backgrounds and interesting lives… I was the kind of guy that annoys people because everything seems so perfect about his life. I even had a sweet deal with my employer where I only worked 4 days a week, half of them from home! There was only one problem: no matter how ideal my existence seemed I felt empty, lonely and depressed. I was defined by a set of labels (professional, homeowner, athlete, husband, friend…), and all my energy was spent keeping up with expectations and obligations. What really kept me going were regular workouts and dabbling with music (bass guitar lessons).

In December 2010 Mai and I went on a vacation in the Yucatán peninsula. After the usual tourist destinations (Tulum, Chichen Itza, Merida) the last part of our trip took us off the beaten path to a remote island called Isla Holbox (pronounce “ol-bosh”). No cars here: only golf carts and ATV’s. Roads are made of sand. Everything is within walking distance. The peace and stillness of the place immediately make me feel at ease. One morning Mai and I are lounging on beach chairs under the shade of a palapa, each listening to our own iPod music while admiring the beauty of the ocean. A man passes by on his bicycle, with a dog running next to him. I saw the same man the day before, and I am likely to see him again the next day. But today I feel different. Something shifts in me, a big knot in my belly and my heart disappears in a split-second. I am not defined by my past: every day is a new beginning. Although things may appear to be the same outside (the guy riding his bike), they can be completely different inside because my being is constantly changing. The secret is to have enough space and stillness to listen to my feelings. Suddenly my entire life feels like an illusion: the job, the house, the money, all the labels, all the expectations… Fuck this! I turn to Mai and tell her: “I could live in a place like this.” She smiles and responds: “I was thinking the same”. I smile back: “Let’s do it!”

Six months later we leave San Francisco on a 1-year journey to Latin America with our dogs and suitcases in the back of the car. Here is what I write in my journal on July 2nd 2011, the day we depart:

“So it took six months to get started on our dream adventure. Six months to sell our house, let go of our lives and identities driven by work and material possessions, to sell or donate most of these possessions and get ready to leave. I’ve never felt so alive. This was like removing many shackles one after the other until none remains and we are free to do whatever we want, to be whoever we want. We were the ones who put these shackles on, and only we had the keys to take them off.”

Two and a half months and 3,700 miles into the journey, I am writing these lines on the shores of Lake Atitlán in Guatemala, and my old life seems like a distant memory. Since we arrived here every day appears the same on the surface but in reality each day is a totally new experience. Just like my martial arts practice in which the sequence always remains the same: I am the one who is new every single time, in my body and in my soul. And this makes all the difference.

Once in a while I panic at the thought that some day this journey will end: it seems inconceivable that I could come back to a life considered by most people as “normal”. But I know that the adventure is only starting, and what matters most is enjoying every moment of it. As Paolo Coelho said, “the journey is all you have”. Whatever happens next, this trip has already changed me deeply. I am past the point of no return, and the future is a new story for me to write.

Cedric, 9/18/2011

Note: Read about our journey on my Travel Blog: Exploring Central America

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